Norway won the 54th Eurovision Song Contest early Sunday in Moscow, when singer Alexander Rybak beat 24 other contestants in the Russian capital.
Rybak's song Fairytale won with 387 points, beating Iceland with 218 of points and Azerbaijan with 207 points.
It was the third time Norway has won the competition, one of the most watched television shows in Europe every year.
Rybak, a 23-year-old ethnic Belarussian who grew up outside Oslo, had been the pre-tournament favorite and he wooed and charmed the crowd with his singing and violin playing in the final at a stadium built for the Moscow 1980 Olympic Games.
Norway Wins the Euro Vision Song Contest 2009
And Norway wins this time. A song personally written by this lovely guy who sings it with a great passion. Fairytale
He is a sexy guy said all the reporters who reported the various results.
The winning was outright. No contest nothing at all. They won with dignity and surpassed the second with more than double the number of points. Breaking the record ever seen in any former contest.
The eurovision song contest is loved across the world and has given birth to many artists who are hard knocks right now.
If you ever want to win a competition, win it like Norway!
Saturday 16 May 2009
Eurovision 2009 LIVE From Mosco
It's Eurovision, live from Moscow, and also Heidi Stephens' living room. Can the UK do better than last place this year? Join Heidi for the liveblog party from 8pm on BBC1.
Comments (829)
9.51pm: And that's IT for the songs, Carol Vorderman is now wearing a red dress, whilst Ross from Friends is dressed for a funeral.
The lines are opening NOW. Germany, Portugal and Malta are getting my vote. Hypothetically, obviously - I'm not actually voting. I can't even stand up.
Some cosmonauts on the International Space Station are opening the phonelines. How random is that?
I'm off to read your comments and will be back for the voting shortly, once the ghastly mid-show entertainment is over - who was your favourite?
9.47pm: It's the last song! Hurrah! It's SPAIN, who are another pre-qualifier, thus not required to make much of an effort. It is, however, a rather gorgeous blonde called Soraya, who is singing a song that sounds an awful lot like something by Holly Vallance, sung slightly off key.
She is entreating us to both take her and shake her. Happy to oblige, and by the way Strictly Come Dancing would like their wardrobe back. And while we're at it, 1988 would like your backing dancers.
9.43pm: It's FINLAND! Hang on, where's the Finnish rock? Jesus. This has Finland's answer to Daz Sampson (rapping a bit like your dad - DRINK DRINK DRINK), a big Euro-disco beat and some women in very short, very cheap-looking sparkly dresses. One of them appears to be wearing wet look leggings, sigh.
There are fire-jugglers in the background who are a good deal more interesting than this song, which is deeply average Europop at best. Bring back Lordi, I say.
9.39pm: Ooh, it's UK! Wave those flags, people. Which means we only have two more after this!!!
Go Jade - you've got a dog of a song, but do your best. For those of you who haven't been paying attention, it's a giant Andrew Lloyd Webber ballad about how it's her time. Look, there's ALW on piano, looking like Dobby the House Elf.
Did Jade just get hit in the face by a violinist's bow? Excellent. I'm sorry, I really want to be supportive and I'd love to see the UK do better than in previous years, but this song is AWFUL. Jade's absolutely gorgeous and she's got a fantastic voice, but I can't bear this kind of warbly West End lung-buster. She expects to be in the top five, and I hope I'm proved wrong on this one, but I really can't see it myself.
She did do well though. Go Jade.
9.35pm: We're nearly there, people - can't be more than 4 or 5 to go, surely?
It's ROMANIA, and Elena who is another incarnation of Geri Halliwell in a flesh-coloured scrap of a dress, singing about Balkan girls. If this performance is anything to go by, Balkan girls all have ropey hair extensions, ronseal tans and shredded mermaid frocks.
Her hips are ready to burn, apparently. You can get medication for that, you know. A nice bit of cheesy pop – always welcome. More please.
9.32pm: Next up, it's UKRAINE. It's some woman in a red mutton slut-frock and boots called Svetlana, singing 'Be My Valentine'. She looks about forty, in the style of Liz Macdonald from Coronation Street.
There is much grinding in a giant hamster wheel with semi-naked men dressed as roman gladiators. Ooh, she also plays drums. The song is pure filth, with trumpets and a kick-ass baseline. I love it.
9.30pm: The presenters are back, with Carol Vorderman wearing a dress described by Graham (who is improving by the drink) as 'made of cheap wrapping paper'.
The daughter has declared Norway her favourite. She's nine, thus we have established the target market.
9.27pm: It's NORWAY, and a young cheeky little chap called Alexander Rybak. This is the favourite, apparently...umm, sorry?
He's like a little Dickensian schoolboy with a violin and bonkers eyebrows, and it's all very theatrical, with backing dancers in braces doing gymnastics. It's like a stage school performance of Fiddler On the Roof. Could someone please poke him in the eye with his violin bow, please? Fairytale my ass.
This cannot possibly win. I will not allow it.
9.24pm: 9.24pm: Next up ALBANIA –less of a dress, more Geri Halliwell in a pink tutu (Geri's made a few appearances this evening, come to think of it, I should have included it in the drinking game).
She's backed up by a dancer in a head to toe green bodysuit, like a faceless gimpy Jolly Green Giant. It's a poppy little number about how she wants us to carry her in our dreams. I am already having nightmares about the faceless green man. Excellent use of the wind machine, though.
9.19pm: It's time for TURKEY. And they appear to have kidnapped Shakira! She is singing about her beating heart, wildly off key. The vocal is generally a bit ropey, the dance routine looks like it might have been thrown together in her bedroom, but who cares – she's wearing practically nothing and it's a bit of flesh for the dads.
Some acrobats have appeared, wearing a great deal of polyester. Sorry, but flesh or not, this is crap.
9.16pm: My goodness, we've passed 400 comments. Hurrah! Is everyone having fun?
It's GERMANY, and a big band swing number about someone called Miss Kiss Kiss Bang. He is wearing bonkers silver trousers and an open black shirt (hell-o) and his dancers dance in their pants! (hang on, that was The Apprentice). My feet are definitely tapping. He has Dita Von Teese on stage with him! How small is her waist?
For those of you that were listening to deeply shit music in the late 80's, he reminds me of the lead singer of Brother Beyond. Graham thinks it was pants, but I loved it. I never said I had any taste.
9.11pm: Next up DENMARK, and tonight, Matthew, Brink from Denmark is going to be Ronan Keating. it's a song called 'Believe' that was written by Ronan Keating, sung by a man who looks a lot like Ronan Keating, and sounds uncannily like Ronan Keating. He's also raided Ronan's wardrobe.
it's a perfectly pleasant number, if you like Boyzone. If Ronan makes you want to rip your face off, then this is not for you. But it packs a bit of punch, and will probably get quite a lot of votes. From people who like Boyzone.
9.07pm: 9.07pm: It's ESTONIA. I have actually been there, it's definitely somewhere near Finland.
It's the Corrs! Oh, no it's not, it's a strangely beautiful and shiny-faced Estonian woman with a violin surrounded by many other beautiful Estonian women with various stringed instruments. She has a lovely voice, and I rather like it.
Is it the booze, or is the evening looking up? We haven't seen a white outfit for a while, this lots have emptied Tallin of electric blue sequins.
9.04pm: Next up, it's MALTA, who we love because they always vote for us. Aah, so THAT's what happened to Michelle McManus. It's a big diva-esque ballad and she's got a cracking voice.
She's got some serious bling on, and I'm loving this. I am uplifted, and have just sent my 9-year-old daughter to the kitchen for more booze. Don't tell social services.
Definitely my favourite so far. Go Malta!
9.00pm: Ooh, we're back. It's MOLDOVA – more warbling from a girl called Nelly, who looks like Geri Halliwell in Moldovan national costume (drink, sigh). Either that or she's auditioning for Peter Pan. She has lots of male backing dancers doing Cossack-style dancing (drink) and shouting 'hoi hoi' in a pirate fashion. Is it wrong that I love this? Drink drink drink.
8.59pm: It's a random bit with Russian policemen - apparently the rest of Europe is enjoying an ad break right now. Lucky bastards.
I think I might need to suspend the drinking game, because frankly I'm well on the road to completely twatted. I may fall foul of my own moderators, which would be a first.
8.55pm: It's time for BOSNIA & HERZOGOVINA, and it's a Bosnian Les Mis! Bring on Susan Boyle. They've got the full set of vintage military uniforms, and it's all a bit marchy, but I'm loving the banging drums. The lead singer who'd be rather dashing if he hadn't got minging greasy hair. Perhaps they are Bosnia's answer to My Chemical Romance.
8.51pm: Christ, thank god that's over. It's AZERBAIJAN, which I'm sure is NOT in Europe.
It's Aysel and Arash - AKA Dr. Alban and one of the the pussycat dolls, who appears to have inadvertently tucked the front of her dress into her knickers. They have three similarly scanty backing singers in half-frocks and bonkers gold leggings. It an entirely cheesy inoffensive tune, and appears to only have two lines of lyrics, repeated ad infinitum.
8.47pm: It's the host nation RUSSIA, and the crowd are going bonkers. It's a girl called Anastasia, and it's immediately apparently that the Russian Eurovision coffers are well and truly empty, thus winning again this year is absolutely not an option. Bloody awful, and entirely off key. I have actually covered my ears. Move on.
8.44pm: Next up, it's ARMENIA. Blimmin' eck. Where to start? Starts out with warbling and drums, then the Morticia twins rise from the smoke. It's a bizarre mix of snake charming music and Armenian dancing (drink!), accompanied by the backing singers from Dr And The Medics (god, showing my age now). Armenian goth Not really my cup of tea, if I'm honest..
8.40pm: It's GREECE - aww, shame to see Ricky Martin gone to seed, too much livin' la vida loca. Only kidding - it's Sakis Rouvas singing 'This is Our Night'. There's a lot of thrusting, and his white (drink!) shirt and trousers are a tad snug, if you ask me. Now THIS is what Eurovision is all about. Man in overtight white outfit and hair helmet dancing about to some poptastic nonsense. Camp as Christmas, I love it.
What was that in the comment box about a Gaydar liveblog where they are showing their willies? Am I expected to compete? Enough cider and it may just happen. This is our night, after all. Hic.
8.35pm: Next up it's ICELAND, and a stunningly pretty girl from Iceland who has spoiled it all by wearing a blue party dress that has been blatantly nicked off a 1970s toilet roll. Graham describes it far better than me as 'a bridesmaid's dress from 1987'. Don't be funnier than me, Graham, we had a deal.
It's a very sweet little country-and-western style ballad, and she has a very nice voice. Everything about it exudes wholesome niceness – I keep hoping she'll whip that ghastly frock off to reveal a leather basque and thigh boots. Alas, it ain't gonna happen.
8.32pm: It's time for PORTUGAL, lead by Sonia from Eastenders, but alas without her trumpet. Instead we have a whole host of traditional instruments, including a flute, a ukulele, an accordion and a man on the bongos busting some serious moves (drink drink drink!!)
If Jack Johnson was Portuguese, it would sound exactly like this. They all seem to be having a marvellous time, and I'm having a little dance on my sofa. It's very much in the spirit of Eurovision, and I rather like it.
8.29pm: Right, pull yourself together, Heidi. Up next is CROATIA, and a tinkly little ballad of epic dullness, sung very sensitively in Croatian by a rather handsome chap called Igor. He has a female sidekick who comes on to warble, she's got a white dress on so technically we should be drinking, but I haven't actually stopped since Sweden. There is some excellent use of the wind machine. It gets a bit more shouty in the chorus, and then just starts dragging on.
And on.
8.24pm: OK, Graham is growing on me now. He's calmed down a bit. Next up is SWEDEN. Her name is Malena, and it's all a bit opera. Oh, no it's not. Fucking HELL! What IS that?
It's a square-jawed Swede of indeterminate gender, with an impressive set of guns and a dress made from dead birds. It's white, too, so DRINK! Her operatic bits are pretty impressive, but her lower register leaves a lot to be desired.
Ooh, her backing singers are holding masks shaped like sparkly turds! Her final big note provides a terrifying facial expression. Apparently she's a famous opera star in Sweden. Only dogs can hear her now. Jesus.
8.20pm: FRANCE are up next, and a lady called Patricia, who is apparently very famous in France. She looks like Glenn Close, and the song is tres francais indeed.
They had a hard act to follow after wheeling out the brilliant Sebastian Tellier in his golf buggy last year, but this is a dreary stale baguette of an effort from our cross-channel friends. Just because you pre-qualify doesn't mean you don't have to try, you know. Zzzz.
8.16pm: Next up it's ISRAEL, two ladies called Noa and Mira. One of them is an Israeli Arab and one is an Israeli Jew, Graham informs up helpfully, and there song 'There Must Be Another Way' is a political plea for peace.
They appear to be singing it to each other in a loving fashion, suggesting that they've already found another way that works pretty well for them. Ooh, they play old cake tins too!
My ears are bleeding now. There is another way, you're right. It's called the mute button. Move on.
8.12pm: The between-song postcards are making me feel a bit ill. I get terrible motion sickness.
Ooh, the songs are starting! First up it's LITHUANIA. A guy called Sasha Son, at his piano like Gary Barlow in a trilby. What, no backing dancers in crotch-skimming dresses? No pyrotechnics? How very dull. He has now left his piano, yet inexplicably it continues to play. Key change, and he gives up on English and moves into Lithuanian.
I'm sure it's not the worst song we're going to hear this evening, but even now I can feel it leaking from my brain. Forgotten it already, sorry.
8.10pm: It's our hosts! She is wearing a dead flamingo and looks a bit like Carol Vorderman, and he looks like Ross from Friends. I don't know what their real names are, but from now on they are Carol and Ross.
Graham Norton is getting right up my nose. He's not funny, he's just annoying. Shut up, Graham.
8.05pm: A man in a dodgy mac is being carried into the stadium on wires. He's trying to take his clothes off, but they are getting caught in the wires. There appear to be many layers, and he's running through walls.
Oh, I think it's last year's winner. Right, that makes more sense. We get to re-live last year's winning song, Believe, but alas he's miming. Since his outfit is entirely white, and he keeps falling to his knees, we should probably be doing some serious drinking by now. It's going to be a long night, people.
8.00pm: Excellent - the old-style Eurovision music. And it's Graham Norton! It seems very odd not having Terry. Graham says he misses him too. It's grey and dreary outside, he tells us, but there are 20,000 people in the Olympyski stadium expecting a big show tonight. I hear they've spent £30m, so I want one too.
Oh jesus, it's a circus theme, with the Cirque De Soleil. My pathological fear of clowns is well documented. Shudder Hurrah, Graham tells us there are no clowns. Lots of tumbly acrobats though, and the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Who is kind of a clown, but more scary.
7.59pm: Ooh, it's starting in a minute! Are we all ready? Flags? Booze? Nibbles? Excellent.
2.54pm: It's the 54th Eurovision Song Contest! How quickly a year flies when you're having fun. This time last year I was sat on this very sofa reporting on the excitement from Belgrade, and now it's Moscow's turn to put on a big Euro all-singing, all-dancing party. I'll be here liveblogging the whole BBC1 show from 8pm, with a box of wine, a bowl of cheesy puffs and a map so I can work out where the hell Moldova is. Do come and join.
I can't even begin to tell you how much I love the Eurovision Song Contest – family legend has it that, at ten months old, my mother plonked me in front of the 1974 show, and it was the first time I had shut up since the day I was born. Abba won that year with Waterloo, and 35 years on my love for this charming yet-oft-demented contest endures.
I have spurned several Eurovision party invites tonight, and instead invite you all to join in with my virtual party liveblog – bring booze and witty repartee, and leave all your thoughts, musings and comments on the acts and the Moscow show below. Please note that I have a tendency to tell it how I see it, and if I inadvertently mistake Euro-irony/political statement for epic craptitude, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't send me hate mail, as last year. I am a devoted Europhile, and I truly love this show, but let's face it - a lot of it is bloody awful, and the rest is completely bonkers. And this is why we love it.
Tonight we have 25 acts to get through - I'll be endeavouring to provide a live summary on every song (bearing in mind that I have purposely avoided watching any performances in advance, so I have entirely no idea what this evening will bring), including where each act is from and what the hell they're singing about, what they look like, and any other interesting/random facts and observations about the performance I can drum up over the course of 3 minutes. In between, we'll no doubt have a couple of comedy wooden perma-tanned Russian presenters to keep us entertained - by the end my hands will be like claws, but I'll do my best to keep up.
I'll also be keeping a close eye on this year's BBC commentary, which for the first time since the 1970s is not getting the acerbic-yet-weary treatment from Terry Wogan. He's fed up with all the political voting, so has handed the baton to Graham Norton. Will Norton maintain Terry's genius witty piss-taking, or camp it up to the nines? I'm intrigued.
When all the acts are over, we'll be hanging around for the scoring, which is an excellent opportunity to drink a great deal and chat about our favourites, because frankly no-one needs a full report on the scoring unless by some miracle another nation votes for the UK. Of course they've changed the scoring system this year – the public vote only counts for 50%, the rest is down to some mysterious jury panel that I'm sure we'll hear more about later.
Finally, I have a very simple drinking game to help us through the evening, choosing my top five picks from the Sparkly Bag of Eurovision Clichés, as we probably can't keep an eye on any more. Those who wish to join in must take a slug of your tipple of choice is if the LEAD SINGER from any nation ticks any of the following boxes:
- Wearing an entirely white outfit
- Falling to knees during performance
- Playing of local instruments or traditional dancing
- Removal of layers of clothing during performance
- Ill-advised rapping
I'm excited! See you at 8pm!
Comments (829)
9.51pm: And that's IT for the songs, Carol Vorderman is now wearing a red dress, whilst Ross from Friends is dressed for a funeral.
The lines are opening NOW. Germany, Portugal and Malta are getting my vote. Hypothetically, obviously - I'm not actually voting. I can't even stand up.
Some cosmonauts on the International Space Station are opening the phonelines. How random is that?
I'm off to read your comments and will be back for the voting shortly, once the ghastly mid-show entertainment is over - who was your favourite?
9.47pm: It's the last song! Hurrah! It's SPAIN, who are another pre-qualifier, thus not required to make much of an effort. It is, however, a rather gorgeous blonde called Soraya, who is singing a song that sounds an awful lot like something by Holly Vallance, sung slightly off key.
She is entreating us to both take her and shake her. Happy to oblige, and by the way Strictly Come Dancing would like their wardrobe back. And while we're at it, 1988 would like your backing dancers.
9.43pm: It's FINLAND! Hang on, where's the Finnish rock? Jesus. This has Finland's answer to Daz Sampson (rapping a bit like your dad - DRINK DRINK DRINK), a big Euro-disco beat and some women in very short, very cheap-looking sparkly dresses. One of them appears to be wearing wet look leggings, sigh.
There are fire-jugglers in the background who are a good deal more interesting than this song, which is deeply average Europop at best. Bring back Lordi, I say.
9.39pm: Ooh, it's UK! Wave those flags, people. Which means we only have two more after this!!!
Go Jade - you've got a dog of a song, but do your best. For those of you who haven't been paying attention, it's a giant Andrew Lloyd Webber ballad about how it's her time. Look, there's ALW on piano, looking like Dobby the House Elf.
Did Jade just get hit in the face by a violinist's bow? Excellent. I'm sorry, I really want to be supportive and I'd love to see the UK do better than in previous years, but this song is AWFUL. Jade's absolutely gorgeous and she's got a fantastic voice, but I can't bear this kind of warbly West End lung-buster. She expects to be in the top five, and I hope I'm proved wrong on this one, but I really can't see it myself.
She did do well though. Go Jade.
9.35pm: We're nearly there, people - can't be more than 4 or 5 to go, surely?
It's ROMANIA, and Elena who is another incarnation of Geri Halliwell in a flesh-coloured scrap of a dress, singing about Balkan girls. If this performance is anything to go by, Balkan girls all have ropey hair extensions, ronseal tans and shredded mermaid frocks.
Her hips are ready to burn, apparently. You can get medication for that, you know. A nice bit of cheesy pop – always welcome. More please.
9.32pm: Next up, it's UKRAINE. It's some woman in a red mutton slut-frock and boots called Svetlana, singing 'Be My Valentine'. She looks about forty, in the style of Liz Macdonald from Coronation Street.
There is much grinding in a giant hamster wheel with semi-naked men dressed as roman gladiators. Ooh, she also plays drums. The song is pure filth, with trumpets and a kick-ass baseline. I love it.
9.30pm: The presenters are back, with Carol Vorderman wearing a dress described by Graham (who is improving by the drink) as 'made of cheap wrapping paper'.
The daughter has declared Norway her favourite. She's nine, thus we have established the target market.
9.27pm: It's NORWAY, and a young cheeky little chap called Alexander Rybak. This is the favourite, apparently...umm, sorry?
He's like a little Dickensian schoolboy with a violin and bonkers eyebrows, and it's all very theatrical, with backing dancers in braces doing gymnastics. It's like a stage school performance of Fiddler On the Roof. Could someone please poke him in the eye with his violin bow, please? Fairytale my ass.
This cannot possibly win. I will not allow it.
9.24pm: 9.24pm: Next up ALBANIA –less of a dress, more Geri Halliwell in a pink tutu (Geri's made a few appearances this evening, come to think of it, I should have included it in the drinking game).
She's backed up by a dancer in a head to toe green bodysuit, like a faceless gimpy Jolly Green Giant. It's a poppy little number about how she wants us to carry her in our dreams. I am already having nightmares about the faceless green man. Excellent use of the wind machine, though.
9.19pm: It's time for TURKEY. And they appear to have kidnapped Shakira! She is singing about her beating heart, wildly off key. The vocal is generally a bit ropey, the dance routine looks like it might have been thrown together in her bedroom, but who cares – she's wearing practically nothing and it's a bit of flesh for the dads.
Some acrobats have appeared, wearing a great deal of polyester. Sorry, but flesh or not, this is crap.
9.16pm: My goodness, we've passed 400 comments. Hurrah! Is everyone having fun?
It's GERMANY, and a big band swing number about someone called Miss Kiss Kiss Bang. He is wearing bonkers silver trousers and an open black shirt (hell-o) and his dancers dance in their pants! (hang on, that was The Apprentice). My feet are definitely tapping. He has Dita Von Teese on stage with him! How small is her waist?
For those of you that were listening to deeply shit music in the late 80's, he reminds me of the lead singer of Brother Beyond. Graham thinks it was pants, but I loved it. I never said I had any taste.
9.11pm: Next up DENMARK, and tonight, Matthew, Brink from Denmark is going to be Ronan Keating. it's a song called 'Believe' that was written by Ronan Keating, sung by a man who looks a lot like Ronan Keating, and sounds uncannily like Ronan Keating. He's also raided Ronan's wardrobe.
it's a perfectly pleasant number, if you like Boyzone. If Ronan makes you want to rip your face off, then this is not for you. But it packs a bit of punch, and will probably get quite a lot of votes. From people who like Boyzone.
9.07pm: 9.07pm: It's ESTONIA. I have actually been there, it's definitely somewhere near Finland.
It's the Corrs! Oh, no it's not, it's a strangely beautiful and shiny-faced Estonian woman with a violin surrounded by many other beautiful Estonian women with various stringed instruments. She has a lovely voice, and I rather like it.
Is it the booze, or is the evening looking up? We haven't seen a white outfit for a while, this lots have emptied Tallin of electric blue sequins.
9.04pm: Next up, it's MALTA, who we love because they always vote for us. Aah, so THAT's what happened to Michelle McManus. It's a big diva-esque ballad and she's got a cracking voice.
She's got some serious bling on, and I'm loving this. I am uplifted, and have just sent my 9-year-old daughter to the kitchen for more booze. Don't tell social services.
Definitely my favourite so far. Go Malta!
9.00pm: Ooh, we're back. It's MOLDOVA – more warbling from a girl called Nelly, who looks like Geri Halliwell in Moldovan national costume (drink, sigh). Either that or she's auditioning for Peter Pan. She has lots of male backing dancers doing Cossack-style dancing (drink) and shouting 'hoi hoi' in a pirate fashion. Is it wrong that I love this? Drink drink drink.
8.59pm: It's a random bit with Russian policemen - apparently the rest of Europe is enjoying an ad break right now. Lucky bastards.
I think I might need to suspend the drinking game, because frankly I'm well on the road to completely twatted. I may fall foul of my own moderators, which would be a first.
8.55pm: It's time for BOSNIA & HERZOGOVINA, and it's a Bosnian Les Mis! Bring on Susan Boyle. They've got the full set of vintage military uniforms, and it's all a bit marchy, but I'm loving the banging drums. The lead singer who'd be rather dashing if he hadn't got minging greasy hair. Perhaps they are Bosnia's answer to My Chemical Romance.
8.51pm: Christ, thank god that's over. It's AZERBAIJAN, which I'm sure is NOT in Europe.
It's Aysel and Arash - AKA Dr. Alban and one of the the pussycat dolls, who appears to have inadvertently tucked the front of her dress into her knickers. They have three similarly scanty backing singers in half-frocks and bonkers gold leggings. It an entirely cheesy inoffensive tune, and appears to only have two lines of lyrics, repeated ad infinitum.
8.47pm: It's the host nation RUSSIA, and the crowd are going bonkers. It's a girl called Anastasia, and it's immediately apparently that the Russian Eurovision coffers are well and truly empty, thus winning again this year is absolutely not an option. Bloody awful, and entirely off key. I have actually covered my ears. Move on.
8.44pm: Next up, it's ARMENIA. Blimmin' eck. Where to start? Starts out with warbling and drums, then the Morticia twins rise from the smoke. It's a bizarre mix of snake charming music and Armenian dancing (drink!), accompanied by the backing singers from Dr And The Medics (god, showing my age now). Armenian goth Not really my cup of tea, if I'm honest..
8.40pm: It's GREECE - aww, shame to see Ricky Martin gone to seed, too much livin' la vida loca. Only kidding - it's Sakis Rouvas singing 'This is Our Night'. There's a lot of thrusting, and his white (drink!) shirt and trousers are a tad snug, if you ask me. Now THIS is what Eurovision is all about. Man in overtight white outfit and hair helmet dancing about to some poptastic nonsense. Camp as Christmas, I love it.
What was that in the comment box about a Gaydar liveblog where they are showing their willies? Am I expected to compete? Enough cider and it may just happen. This is our night, after all. Hic.
8.35pm: Next up it's ICELAND, and a stunningly pretty girl from Iceland who has spoiled it all by wearing a blue party dress that has been blatantly nicked off a 1970s toilet roll. Graham describes it far better than me as 'a bridesmaid's dress from 1987'. Don't be funnier than me, Graham, we had a deal.
It's a very sweet little country-and-western style ballad, and she has a very nice voice. Everything about it exudes wholesome niceness – I keep hoping she'll whip that ghastly frock off to reveal a leather basque and thigh boots. Alas, it ain't gonna happen.
8.32pm: It's time for PORTUGAL, lead by Sonia from Eastenders, but alas without her trumpet. Instead we have a whole host of traditional instruments, including a flute, a ukulele, an accordion and a man on the bongos busting some serious moves (drink drink drink!!)
If Jack Johnson was Portuguese, it would sound exactly like this. They all seem to be having a marvellous time, and I'm having a little dance on my sofa. It's very much in the spirit of Eurovision, and I rather like it.
8.29pm: Right, pull yourself together, Heidi. Up next is CROATIA, and a tinkly little ballad of epic dullness, sung very sensitively in Croatian by a rather handsome chap called Igor. He has a female sidekick who comes on to warble, she's got a white dress on so technically we should be drinking, but I haven't actually stopped since Sweden. There is some excellent use of the wind machine. It gets a bit more shouty in the chorus, and then just starts dragging on.
And on.
8.24pm: OK, Graham is growing on me now. He's calmed down a bit. Next up is SWEDEN. Her name is Malena, and it's all a bit opera. Oh, no it's not. Fucking HELL! What IS that?
It's a square-jawed Swede of indeterminate gender, with an impressive set of guns and a dress made from dead birds. It's white, too, so DRINK! Her operatic bits are pretty impressive, but her lower register leaves a lot to be desired.
Ooh, her backing singers are holding masks shaped like sparkly turds! Her final big note provides a terrifying facial expression. Apparently she's a famous opera star in Sweden. Only dogs can hear her now. Jesus.
8.20pm: FRANCE are up next, and a lady called Patricia, who is apparently very famous in France. She looks like Glenn Close, and the song is tres francais indeed.
They had a hard act to follow after wheeling out the brilliant Sebastian Tellier in his golf buggy last year, but this is a dreary stale baguette of an effort from our cross-channel friends. Just because you pre-qualify doesn't mean you don't have to try, you know. Zzzz.
8.16pm: Next up it's ISRAEL, two ladies called Noa and Mira. One of them is an Israeli Arab and one is an Israeli Jew, Graham informs up helpfully, and there song 'There Must Be Another Way' is a political plea for peace.
They appear to be singing it to each other in a loving fashion, suggesting that they've already found another way that works pretty well for them. Ooh, they play old cake tins too!
My ears are bleeding now. There is another way, you're right. It's called the mute button. Move on.
8.12pm: The between-song postcards are making me feel a bit ill. I get terrible motion sickness.
Ooh, the songs are starting! First up it's LITHUANIA. A guy called Sasha Son, at his piano like Gary Barlow in a trilby. What, no backing dancers in crotch-skimming dresses? No pyrotechnics? How very dull. He has now left his piano, yet inexplicably it continues to play. Key change, and he gives up on English and moves into Lithuanian.
I'm sure it's not the worst song we're going to hear this evening, but even now I can feel it leaking from my brain. Forgotten it already, sorry.
8.10pm: It's our hosts! She is wearing a dead flamingo and looks a bit like Carol Vorderman, and he looks like Ross from Friends. I don't know what their real names are, but from now on they are Carol and Ross.
Graham Norton is getting right up my nose. He's not funny, he's just annoying. Shut up, Graham.
8.05pm: A man in a dodgy mac is being carried into the stadium on wires. He's trying to take his clothes off, but they are getting caught in the wires. There appear to be many layers, and he's running through walls.
Oh, I think it's last year's winner. Right, that makes more sense. We get to re-live last year's winning song, Believe, but alas he's miming. Since his outfit is entirely white, and he keeps falling to his knees, we should probably be doing some serious drinking by now. It's going to be a long night, people.
8.00pm: Excellent - the old-style Eurovision music. And it's Graham Norton! It seems very odd not having Terry. Graham says he misses him too. It's grey and dreary outside, he tells us, but there are 20,000 people in the Olympyski stadium expecting a big show tonight. I hear they've spent £30m, so I want one too.
Oh jesus, it's a circus theme, with the Cirque De Soleil. My pathological fear of clowns is well documented. Shudder Hurrah, Graham tells us there are no clowns. Lots of tumbly acrobats though, and the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Who is kind of a clown, but more scary.
7.59pm: Ooh, it's starting in a minute! Are we all ready? Flags? Booze? Nibbles? Excellent.
2.54pm: It's the 54th Eurovision Song Contest! How quickly a year flies when you're having fun. This time last year I was sat on this very sofa reporting on the excitement from Belgrade, and now it's Moscow's turn to put on a big Euro all-singing, all-dancing party. I'll be here liveblogging the whole BBC1 show from 8pm, with a box of wine, a bowl of cheesy puffs and a map so I can work out where the hell Moldova is. Do come and join.
I can't even begin to tell you how much I love the Eurovision Song Contest – family legend has it that, at ten months old, my mother plonked me in front of the 1974 show, and it was the first time I had shut up since the day I was born. Abba won that year with Waterloo, and 35 years on my love for this charming yet-oft-demented contest endures.
I have spurned several Eurovision party invites tonight, and instead invite you all to join in with my virtual party liveblog – bring booze and witty repartee, and leave all your thoughts, musings and comments on the acts and the Moscow show below. Please note that I have a tendency to tell it how I see it, and if I inadvertently mistake Euro-irony/political statement for epic craptitude, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't send me hate mail, as last year. I am a devoted Europhile, and I truly love this show, but let's face it - a lot of it is bloody awful, and the rest is completely bonkers. And this is why we love it.
Tonight we have 25 acts to get through - I'll be endeavouring to provide a live summary on every song (bearing in mind that I have purposely avoided watching any performances in advance, so I have entirely no idea what this evening will bring), including where each act is from and what the hell they're singing about, what they look like, and any other interesting/random facts and observations about the performance I can drum up over the course of 3 minutes. In between, we'll no doubt have a couple of comedy wooden perma-tanned Russian presenters to keep us entertained - by the end my hands will be like claws, but I'll do my best to keep up.
I'll also be keeping a close eye on this year's BBC commentary, which for the first time since the 1970s is not getting the acerbic-yet-weary treatment from Terry Wogan. He's fed up with all the political voting, so has handed the baton to Graham Norton. Will Norton maintain Terry's genius witty piss-taking, or camp it up to the nines? I'm intrigued.
When all the acts are over, we'll be hanging around for the scoring, which is an excellent opportunity to drink a great deal and chat about our favourites, because frankly no-one needs a full report on the scoring unless by some miracle another nation votes for the UK. Of course they've changed the scoring system this year – the public vote only counts for 50%, the rest is down to some mysterious jury panel that I'm sure we'll hear more about later.
Finally, I have a very simple drinking game to help us through the evening, choosing my top five picks from the Sparkly Bag of Eurovision Clichés, as we probably can't keep an eye on any more. Those who wish to join in must take a slug of your tipple of choice is if the LEAD SINGER from any nation ticks any of the following boxes:
- Wearing an entirely white outfit
- Falling to knees during performance
- Playing of local instruments or traditional dancing
- Removal of layers of clothing during performance
- Ill-advised rapping
I'm excited! See you at 8pm!
Friday 15 May 2009
How To Go About Your Article Marketing!
Many people usually want to know how to get ideas for witting articles. Well i will quickly explain how i go about my article marketing.
Making Money with article marketing is simple witting articles and publishing them to article directories. It as simple as that, it its simplest terms.
The best directory is of cause Ezine articles. Once your article is accepted there, you can then rewrite it and submit to more directories if you want. That can also help for SEO. (backlinks)
As for getting article ideas, that can really turn out to be trouble especially for newcomers.
I have a number of places where i get article ideas. Forums like this one is are a great place to get some good article ideas.
You can also get ideas from videos at youtube and at article directories themselves.
once you have an idea, make up a list of keywords, then head over to ezine articles, type in your keyword in their search box, and read the articles that have already been written in on that subject, from there you wil learn and then write your own unique article.
Hope this helps.
Making Money with article marketing is simple witting articles and publishing them to article directories. It as simple as that, it its simplest terms.
The best directory is of cause Ezine articles. Once your article is accepted there, you can then rewrite it and submit to more directories if you want. That can also help for SEO. (backlinks)
As for getting article ideas, that can really turn out to be trouble especially for newcomers.
I have a number of places where i get article ideas. Forums like this one is are a great place to get some good article ideas.
You can also get ideas from videos at youtube and at article directories themselves.
once you have an idea, make up a list of keywords, then head over to ezine articles, type in your keyword in their search box, and read the articles that have already been written in on that subject, from there you wil learn and then write your own unique article.
Hope this helps.
Tuesday 5 May 2009
Bad Economy Affects Clickbank Sales: Drop To Record low Level
I have always wondered when the so much talked about bad economy will have a very significant impact on me.
I had notice a drop in most of my sales and a some slow down in most on my other activities, but the last month was record low! It appears we are not yet seeing the light at the end of the tunnel as far as the bad economy is concerned.
After noticing that i had not made any sales from my numerous campaigns with clickback, which was kind of strange to me, i for once tried asking them what the problem could be. I was just being curious though.
I asked them to check if all was well with my account. I complain of record low sales, and told them to see if there was something wrong from their end.
Two days latter they replied saying it is not only me complaining, many other vendors and affiliates also were asking so many questions. He told me that general sales have dropped to record low level. That there was no problem with my account and went on to say that it is due to the bad economy.
Now I've had a pinch of the this economy slowdown. It don't fell good at all!
I had notice a drop in most of my sales and a some slow down in most on my other activities, but the last month was record low! It appears we are not yet seeing the light at the end of the tunnel as far as the bad economy is concerned.
After noticing that i had not made any sales from my numerous campaigns with clickback, which was kind of strange to me, i for once tried asking them what the problem could be. I was just being curious though.
I asked them to check if all was well with my account. I complain of record low sales, and told them to see if there was something wrong from their end.
Two days latter they replied saying it is not only me complaining, many other vendors and affiliates also were asking so many questions. He told me that general sales have dropped to record low level. That there was no problem with my account and went on to say that it is due to the bad economy.
Now I've had a pinch of the this economy slowdown. It don't fell good at all!
Sunday 3 May 2009
Do You Really Need To Buy Money Making Products?
There are lost of people advertising all sorts of make money on the internet products. Many, if not all these products assure you immediate revenue once you buy them and properly exploit the information in the package, in most cases e-books and some software.
I write this editorial today to help particularly newcomers in the internet marketing industry to be well conscious of such kind of products that guarantee instant online incomes.
There is much money that can be made on the internet, and many people are in fact making so much just via their computers and internet connection. But if you think it is trouble-free to do that then you better rethink because making money on the internet is not as easy as it may sound. It is given only for those who have an exceptional twist in their philosophy and way of doing things. Just by buying and using one marketing system or e-book will not enable you to start making money suddenly on the internet.
Because of so much hype, many people are flooding the internet eager and hoping they can make some speedy money. Usually these newcomers will give in to just any e-book or marketing system that promises them some kind of mysterious procedure to internet riches. Some of these products say they have some concealed secrets that they have exposed in their e-books, just to make people pay money for these books.
I want to make just one point clear in this article. Most, if not all the information you need to know about how to make money on the internet is out there and it is entirely free. You just need to look of the information and make use of it. You don't need one guru to sell that information to you when you can make some trouble-free research and find it by your self.
Don't give in when someone tells you that he or she has revealed some money making secret in his $90 e-book or marketing system. That is just hype and you will be very dissatisfied when you become aware of fact that that e-book or marketing system fails to make the money as promised by the authors of the e-book.
If you want to make money online, make research on the internet on how to do it. Don't buy the crap I see internet marketing gurus busy selling, because they are just out blown lies. The only people who make money with those products are the internet marketing gurus themselves.
Most of the information you need has been written on Websites. You just need to find them, read and learn. If you want to download an e-book, you can fine thousand of free e-books that will respond to your inquiry. Be careful of internet hype!
I write this editorial today to help particularly newcomers in the internet marketing industry to be well conscious of such kind of products that guarantee instant online incomes.
There is much money that can be made on the internet, and many people are in fact making so much just via their computers and internet connection. But if you think it is trouble-free to do that then you better rethink because making money on the internet is not as easy as it may sound. It is given only for those who have an exceptional twist in their philosophy and way of doing things. Just by buying and using one marketing system or e-book will not enable you to start making money suddenly on the internet.
Because of so much hype, many people are flooding the internet eager and hoping they can make some speedy money. Usually these newcomers will give in to just any e-book or marketing system that promises them some kind of mysterious procedure to internet riches. Some of these products say they have some concealed secrets that they have exposed in their e-books, just to make people pay money for these books.
I want to make just one point clear in this article. Most, if not all the information you need to know about how to make money on the internet is out there and it is entirely free. You just need to look of the information and make use of it. You don't need one guru to sell that information to you when you can make some trouble-free research and find it by your self.
Don't give in when someone tells you that he or she has revealed some money making secret in his $90 e-book or marketing system. That is just hype and you will be very dissatisfied when you become aware of fact that that e-book or marketing system fails to make the money as promised by the authors of the e-book.
If you want to make money online, make research on the internet on how to do it. Don't buy the crap I see internet marketing gurus busy selling, because they are just out blown lies. The only people who make money with those products are the internet marketing gurus themselves.
Most of the information you need has been written on Websites. You just need to find them, read and learn. If you want to download an e-book, you can fine thousand of free e-books that will respond to your inquiry. Be careful of internet hype!
Thursday 23 April 2009
long tail keywords, the imprtance of long tail keywords,keywords for effcetive traffic,good keywords
If you are into internet marketing, then you probably understand that traffic is the most important thing have for your online business. In fact, without enough and constant traffic flowing to your website, you will never be able to make any money on the internet.
Sadly enough, traffic is the main thing that most webmasters find so difficult to have on a consistent basis. Taking into account the fact that the value of any internet business is directly linked to the amount of traffic that business is getting, I am not so surprised why driving traffic to a website has become a real science that has to be studied and mastered with every single detail.
One of the best ways of getting traffic to your website is through search engines. Main search engines like Google and yahoo provide the most targeted traffic since they put your website in front of people who are searching for information regarding your products or services.
Ranking high with these popular search engines has become the most difficult thing as far as internet marketing is concerned, at least for popular keywords such as "Forex" "Credit cards" "Internet marketing" and many others.
Most beginners in internet marketing always make this mistake of competing against the big boys for very popular keywords. If you are a newcomer, and you have chosen your niche to be under the Forex Industry for example, it will be almost impossible for you to rank high with the search engines for a keyword such as "Forex" you can do all the optimization you want, I can guarantee you that you will just end up being disappointed. It can take some very hard work and time to rank high with these popular keywords.
Website ranking high for such keywords in most cases have thousands of other websites linking to them. And they have probably been in the business for 5, 6, or 10 years, or even more! They have taken much time to optimize their web pages for those keywords.
If you are a new comer in your niche, the best thing for you to do is to make a research on long tail keywords that are related to your niche. In most cases these keywords will not be as competitive as the main keywords. Optimize your website with these keywords and you will have more chances of ranking high with the search engines.
You just have to make sure that the keywords or key phases you choose to optimize your website with, have at least a good volume of monthly searches. This will enable you have some traffic to you websites if you happen to rank high in the search engine result pages for those keywords.
Sadly enough, traffic is the main thing that most webmasters find so difficult to have on a consistent basis. Taking into account the fact that the value of any internet business is directly linked to the amount of traffic that business is getting, I am not so surprised why driving traffic to a website has become a real science that has to be studied and mastered with every single detail.
One of the best ways of getting traffic to your website is through search engines. Main search engines like Google and yahoo provide the most targeted traffic since they put your website in front of people who are searching for information regarding your products or services.
Ranking high with these popular search engines has become the most difficult thing as far as internet marketing is concerned, at least for popular keywords such as "Forex" "Credit cards" "Internet marketing" and many others.
Most beginners in internet marketing always make this mistake of competing against the big boys for very popular keywords. If you are a newcomer, and you have chosen your niche to be under the Forex Industry for example, it will be almost impossible for you to rank high with the search engines for a keyword such as "Forex" you can do all the optimization you want, I can guarantee you that you will just end up being disappointed. It can take some very hard work and time to rank high with these popular keywords.
Website ranking high for such keywords in most cases have thousands of other websites linking to them. And they have probably been in the business for 5, 6, or 10 years, or even more! They have taken much time to optimize their web pages for those keywords.
If you are a new comer in your niche, the best thing for you to do is to make a research on long tail keywords that are related to your niche. In most cases these keywords will not be as competitive as the main keywords. Optimize your website with these keywords and you will have more chances of ranking high with the search engines.
You just have to make sure that the keywords or key phases you choose to optimize your website with, have at least a good volume of monthly searches. This will enable you have some traffic to you websites if you happen to rank high in the search engine result pages for those keywords.
Monday 20 April 2009
Google Alerts is a Very Handy Tool For SEO
It is amazing the number of tools and services that Google provides for free! In fact the only reason why people don't seem to use them as much i guess, is that they don't advertise these tools as much as possible.
Google maybe the main providers of targeted traffic on the web today, they still don't know how to use that traffic to sell or advertise their own products.
Most of their free tools are not known to the public. They have tools that are free to use, which are so many times better than paid services provided by some third parties.
A good example of such a tool is Google alerts.
We all are aware of the importance of backlinks for SEO and adding your search engine ranks. One difficulty is that it can be time overwhelming trying to websites that we can possible place our backlinks.
A rapid and easy way to find places you may be able to get backlinks is with Google Alerts.
Simply type in your keyword and Google will periodical deliver websites that are interrelated to your keywords or key phrases. Even better you can set it up for blogs, which may be just wonderful for creating back links by commenting. Just make sure in this case that the blog is a dofollow blog!
You can set up as many alerts are you want. You can also set them for daily, or as they happen (might be other intervals, I don't remember). I just have my set for daily. Pretty much every day I get a list of places to get links for each keyword I am targeting.
I have been using Google alerts since Google started providing the service. it is a very handy tool.
You can also use Google alerts to track information about yourself, or your website. You Just create an alert for your name or your website url.
With this, anytime somebody writes about you on the internet, you get that website url directly in your mail.
To some it up Google alert is a very good tool. Thanks for posting about it here so many others could benefit from it as well.
Google maybe the main providers of targeted traffic on the web today, they still don't know how to use that traffic to sell or advertise their own products.
Most of their free tools are not known to the public. They have tools that are free to use, which are so many times better than paid services provided by some third parties.
A good example of such a tool is Google alerts.
We all are aware of the importance of backlinks for SEO and adding your search engine ranks. One difficulty is that it can be time overwhelming trying to websites that we can possible place our backlinks.
A rapid and easy way to find places you may be able to get backlinks is with Google Alerts.
Simply type in your keyword and Google will periodical deliver websites that are interrelated to your keywords or key phrases. Even better you can set it up for blogs, which may be just wonderful for creating back links by commenting. Just make sure in this case that the blog is a dofollow blog!
You can set up as many alerts are you want. You can also set them for daily, or as they happen (might be other intervals, I don't remember). I just have my set for daily. Pretty much every day I get a list of places to get links for each keyword I am targeting.
I have been using Google alerts since Google started providing the service. it is a very handy tool.
You can also use Google alerts to track information about yourself, or your website. You Just create an alert for your name or your website url.
With this, anytime somebody writes about you on the internet, you get that website url directly in your mail.
To some it up Google alert is a very good tool. Thanks for posting about it here so many others could benefit from it as well.
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